| Moving on up |
[Feb. 26th, 2009|04:30 pm] |
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Many things have happened since last we spoke, the least of which can be read about here |
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| My long lost return? |
[Jul. 13th, 2008|11:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
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| | THE BACK HORN - The Black Hole Birthday | ] |
Good evening. There are so many things I feel I have left you out of the loop on, and yet I am restricted in how much I can tell you by the objective limits placed on us by hardware manufacturers. Back to the business at hand.
Since I have returned from The Japans many a dealings have happened in my life. Through some inane series of unfortunate events, and a degree of inept douchebaggery, I failed to graduate upon my triumphantly untriumphant return. I, however, was not made aware of this, through the same methods as described above, until many months after the fact. However, within these series of events most unfortunate a silver lining was had. While I believe most silver linings to simply be signs of impending rainfall, these were indeed silver and a true blessing. I speak of course of the ubiquitous television drama. It has come to pass that I have caught up on years of television shows I did not even know existed. Most recently I have been watching the 2005 continuation of the Doctor Who series. I have completed the series, and am eagerly awaiting the next invasion, this Christmas. While I miss the ninth doctor, I have grown to see the tenth as a respectable peer.
In personal affairs, I miss a great deal of people a great deal indeed. Let it be known that my intention is to be the first president of the New United Areas, alternatively known as the future U.S. o' A.
Returning to academic matters, I have just completed my final course, taken during summer session one, and look forward to receiving my degree as soon as those cunts call me back. I'm expecting a 79 which I hope the teacher will turn into an 80, not that it should matter. I slacked off most of the course, turned in the vast majority of my work late and all in all hated life for these past five weeks. Monday through Thursday of this past week were naught but a torrent of furiously fired keystrokes in an attempt to produce two final papers, a film review and an annotated literature review, by Thursday evening. I managed to pump out what I believed to be passable work for a one hundred level course by the deadline. Upon doing so I let out a ghoulish cry vaguely resembling the words, 'Fuck all y'all niggahs!' It is now, on this very hour, that I have received my grades for these final papers, a 98 and a 95 respectively.
It is also on this very night that I have created a delectable delight, beef stew. And it is now that on wings of gilded light that I leave you to partake in this delicious thing. |
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| my dearly beloved |
[Sep. 29th, 2007|11:57 pm] |
Erin Filtzwalter London, a nuclear physicist responsible for advising Grand Âyatollâh Seyyed ‘Alî Hossaynî Khâmene’î in how to enrich Uranium for non-military applications, and Chief Justice of the Armenian Supreme Court, passed away this Tuesday. It was her 72nd Birthday.
Excessive arterial blockage due to inadequate cake intake was the cause, said family.
From 1932 to 1917 she was a distinguished professor at the esteemed Massachusetts Agricultural University. After WWII her office was destroyed by the attack on Pearl Harbor and the school realized theey no longer required her services. Erin, now 13 spent the rest of her life watching Gilbert Grape and other Johnny Depp/Leonardo DiCaprio films and eating cake.
"Goodbye Erin, you shall be missed," spoke her pet hamster shortly before he was escorted to a government facility so as to be studied in order to find out why it can talk. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 20th, 2007|03:58 pm] |
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 I was working late Friday night, bartending at a club in downtown Nagasaki. The night was going well. We had already sold out of beer, mainly due to 4 or 5 sailors from nearby Sasebo who came down for the weekend. Around 2 it was beginning to settle down for the night. The chick I was working with was busy running around picking up empty glasses and and emptying full ash trays. I for the time being was on washing glasses. I had made my way through about a dozen glasses or so, when I felt a very odd sensation in my left hand. As my hand swept down into the glass with sponge in hand I felt it enter into me.
I looked down upon my hand to see a very large flap of skin and next to it a matching red circle of flesh with a white dot in the center. This sight only endured for but a second before it was replaced with a gushing of red kool-aid that spread over the entirety of my hand. I realized quite quickly what had happened, and immediately began to wash my hand under the running tap as I alerted a fellow coworker as to my situation. Once I deemed it clean I took my sweat soaked towel, the very same towel I had received at the beach party two weeks prior, and applied pressure and sat down. A few minutes later she returned from the drug store with some gauze, medical tape, iodine, and antibacterial spray. I rested waiting for the bleeding to stop for an hour, and finally made my way home. I went to bed around 5 in the morning, and woke at 2 in the evening. Upon waking I deemed that the bleeding had stopped, and I had best change the bandage. This was a messy, bloody procedure which only helped to reopen the wound and allow for further blood loss. After several days and several changes of the dressings it still bleeds from the top edge. I attribute this to the probable cutting of a blood vessel, most likely the vein that runs across the insaide edge of the first knuckle on the index finger. I have yet to visit a hospital due to a severe lack of funds, and hope the blood to cease sometime soon. If it does not, however, I fear this may be last time I speak to you all.
Peace out my comrads in arms, love and dr. wily |
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| Je pense, donc je mange dans la bibliotheque |
[Aug. 9th, 2007|02:55 pm] |
It has been too long my good friends. How have you been? I, myself, have been fighting the good fight. Yet, I grow weary. Age seems to be taking its toll. I have weathered many a storm, and come out the victor of insurmountable odds countless times. This is to say that I fear it is my time to lay down my sword, and take up a more scholarly, elderly, pastime in my old age. Yes, I do believe it time to retire from this profession of mine.
I shall start, as all good grandparents should, by telling you some of my more colorful stories. My first story happened no more than four days ago. I was sitting in my bedroom with a friend, flipping through all the channels trying to find a drama that was supposed to be airing at the time, but seemed to have been canceled, when I received a phone call from my good friend Kazz. It had been some time since I had received a late night call from this particularly good friend, and I picked up the receiver with great anticipation. It would seem that Kazz was planning to go to the beach this very night, and I was invited to join. Now, me and my friend, with no drama to watch jumped at the opportunity to go out for the evening. I was informed that we would be leaving later, and that he would inform me of when we were to go by telephone.
Approximately an hour later I received another phone call from Kazz. He told me that he was on his way, and to be ready. Needless to say me and my friend were both stoked. We eagerly awaited Kazz's arrival and leaped into his car the very moment it arrived. After a quick stop for some petrol we were off to the beach, or so we had thought. As it would turn out there were demons on the road that night, demons bent on preventing us from getting to said beach. After much confusedness on Kazz's behalf we arrived, back at our house. These demons were particularly crafty in that they led us right back to the very point where we started. We, however, were determined to make it to the beach and get plastered. At least I was.
After a quick rest at a convenience store, we wrapped some brand new towels around our heads, and looking like pirates set off into the black abyss of Niji-ga-oka. We made a phone call to some friends already at the beach, and met them half way there. We arrived in style, and with class no more than 40 minutes late.
After much lolly-gagging I was on my fourth beer of the hour, and having a great deal of fun. Many friends were there, and there was a barbecue. I ate a small amount of meat, and continued to drink, for that is what I was here for. A little more time passed and then it came, or rather she came. Oh how I adored her, a harlot that never was! So torn was my heart over her existence that I had taken my life three times before, and on this very night, upon seeing her face radiate in the soft light of the fire, beneath the immaculately star-lit sky, I felt as if I had not yet fully repaid my debt, but rather that I had only begun to scratch at its surface. If I had only but learned of her existence then I'd have been thrown into a debt that I could not repay with 1000 lifetimes of suffering, yet I imbibed her existence, took it into myself and with it a debt that the lord almighty could not repay, let alone a mere man. We chatted, she's going to France next year. Her shoes were really cute.
After a while the night began to grow late, and Kazz and my friend were leaving. I decided to stay and catch a ride home with everyone else. It is at this time that we all decided to go swimming, and we stripped to our underwear. Someone commented on the obscene amount of hair on me and I slapped him in the prostate with the force of a thousand golden chariots driven by Hercules himself. Then we swam. The water hit my lips with a salty sting. Far more pungeant than the drink back home. I noticed at this moment some other friends that had just arrived, and proceeded to tell one of them that she had become fatter, by no less than 6 kilograms. She hit me very hard.
The night grew to day, and the obscene number of sea-roaches became apparent. I let out a cry so shrill and cruel that were it in Ireland one might suppose that a gaggle of Bean Sidhe were wailing the death of the Queen as one ran across my fingertips, and proceeded to dance about frivolously. After much dancing a headache began to set in, and the kicking of a beach ball. Then we left, I fell asleep, and was woken up so I could get out of the car and go into my room.
Night everyone. |
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| The Fourth |
[Jul. 5th, 2007|11:47 am] |
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Yesterday, we blew up many things. Today, we got in trouble for dirtying the buses. Tomorrow, we find out how much trouble. |
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| Wetly he Silences the Prostate of Warsaw |
[May. 24th, 2007|05:02 pm] |
Well, 'twas a beautiful day in Nagasaki today. The flora basked radiantly in the sun, soaking in its warmth and puffing away on its life giving breath. The fauna were bustling about in an ever so cheerful manner, bringing with them the sparks of new life, which are forever being fanned so as to ignite them into the flames of wisdom. Yes today was a magnificent day by any standard.
The past few weeks have been hard to me, and the next few promise to be even moreso. There are a number of phrases and the like that say that one cannot truly know oneself until they have stood face to face with adversity, and I would be tempted to quote any one of them if it were not quite so cliche. I also realise now that I am faced with adversity, and that I have been living a lie. I know not what I shall come to do when myself and this adversity finally meet toe to toe, however I now know that I've enough courage to make it to that point. As for who I am...well I still do not know, and nor could any of you. For, it is to you all that I have been purporting the greatest lies. You see for underneath it all, I am nay but KILROY, KILroy, Kilroy, kilroy...
I must leave for the moment, but I shall return eventually, and you shall all rejoice upon my second coming. |
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| Lunch |
[Apr. 20th, 2007|11:53 am] |
I am currently waiting for lunch. It is about 11:43 and lunch isn't until 12:10. As such, I am not at lunch. For lunch I am debating whether I should have the Meat Sauce Spaghetti and cover it in hot sauce, or if something more Japanese might be appealing. There is always curry as well, but I have grown bored with curry. One can only eat the same bland blend of brown spices so many times before one becomes tired, and tired I am. My tongue yearns for the bitterness of green and the intense heat of red, the calm warm flavor of yellow. Yes, I do think I am quite fed up with this bleary earthen brown food fodder. Today I feast on not but the souls of the innocent lathered in hotsauce and meat.
Love,
Kevin
Grande Duchesse ofe Yorke |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 18th, 2007|05:25 pm] |
This semester I'm taking:
French
American/British History and Culture (sans British)
Society
History
Management
Business
Culture
Japanese
Christian Studies
and an Independant Study on Nip religion and how the Emperor is my god
I now know how to say that I'm a potato in French |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 30th, 2007|12:28 pm] |
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Today there was the brutal slaying of an innocent newt. Pre-death it was beautiful. It was rust colored and had three black stripes running down its back. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 15th, 2007|08:56 pm] |
Well, how are you all doing this fine eve? I, myself, am doing quite nicely I must say. Nara was fun, and now Yuri's mom has my blog address, so if you're reading this, HEY!
I recently realized how immature I am. I would say that if we plotted a graph and then disregarded and drew a scale ranging from one to ten, with one being immature and ten being mature, I would rate myself an eight followed by numerous equal signs and then a capital letter d. I imagine it would look something like the following.
10
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9
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8=====D
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7
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etc...
I feel it best for me to use this immaturity to its fullest potential, the creation of Jewish Pirate Myth.
As everyone knows the Jews were enslaved by the Egyptians several millions of years ago. What many are still unaware of, due to numerous conspirators, including Jesus, is that the same Jews also had enslaved the Christian Egyptians for several Billion years before that. This extended period of slavery drove the Egyptians into a spiraling pitfall that would unltimately end in the creation of Muslim as a bastardized form of religion and even more ultimately in the destruction of the Egyptian race.
How the tables turned against the Jews is not the matter we are looking at, but rather what the Jews did once the tables had turned. You see, instead of taking their fair share of the load and being the indentured servants to the newly Muslim Egyptians for billions of years, they fled after a mere few million years. This act of treason on a parliamentary bond angered the baby Jesus and he cast their souls into the eternal pitfires of hell. The Jews not believing in Hell and Jesus, not to mention not having souls, felt nothing and continued to live their lives away for a few years as hard working, but well paid moisture farmers in the Saharan sub-continent.
One ambitious Jew had the idea to hoard enough water to create a sea that they could live upon. And thus the Dead Sea was born, named such due to the number of African slave's live it took to dig the sea. It is worth mentioning that this number is abnormally high, due to the fact that the Jews did not provide these slaves with any water, and the average slaves life span once in servitude was approximately 18 hours. Luckily, for the Jews and later the western world, Africans breed and spawn like rabbits on crack with 10 penes and 13 vaginas.
With this new sea the Jews refined their sailing skills and would man rafts made of dead slaves with living slaves to improve their fighting skills on top of the water. After several hundred years these Jews were ready to move out into the Oceans of the world as Pirates and rape and pillage every village and township they were to come across. They also, as a matter of respect for those Jews lost in training, they would raze the villages they had sacked. Not much is heard of these Jewish pirates anymore, due to those that control all mass media outlets being among their ranks. |
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| Yuri's House |
[Mar. 13th, 2007|05:31 pm] |
I am currently in Yuri's house, in Yuri's room, and on Yuri's laptop. Yuri is in Korea. I'm sleeping over again because Yuri's Mama is making me. I really wanted to spend the night at some shitty hotel in Oosaka and just chill out eating crappy Konbini food and watching bad Japanese TV. Now I have to eat a delicious home-cooked meal and speak Japanese with Yuri's family, including her father...
Yuri's father is amazing. When he's sober he's like anyone else when they're drunk, and when he's drunk he's that much worse. He comes up with all this random information about everything, including dates and stuff. Sometimes it's completely contradictory to fact. For example, he produced a bottle of Jack Daniel's Tennessee Whiskey, and was telling everyone it was Bourbon. Now, as we all know Jack Daniel's Bourbon, as te majority of Bourbon's are is from Kentucky. Silly old guy. He said a lot of other things that were quite contradictory to fact, and I find him awesome.
Yuri's mom is so amazingly cool that it hurts. She, for some reason, loves me and my existence. She took today off from work so we could all go out and see stuff. We saw some badass temples and stuff. The whole thing about making me stay longer is kind of annoying because I need to shave and trim my nails and other hygenic stuff, but I totally am not that guy who invites himself over and then clogs your toilet with the biggest stinkiest shit ever, that's Brayton, whom I love dearly.
Yuri's brother is pretty cool, I suppose. He keeps to himself, and bullies Yuri quite a fair deal. He reminds me of myself like six or seven years ago. Nara is way not my favorite place ever. There is WAY too many foreigners here for my liking. Granted I find myself hating all foreigners I don't know, and some of the ones I do. Foreigners are like some sort of filth that can't be washed away because the current Government is far too soft and adverse to loking bad in the public eye. Japan has caught up with and exceeded most of the West, yet still thinks of itself as inferior to it. I've made up my mind. Upon the close of this semester, graduation or not, I shall enter TouDai as a law student and take the fast track into Japanese politics. Upon my graduation I will have been in Japan long enough to apply for citizenship and will continue down the slippery sloap of politics. I will reform Japan into the modern super power that it is, and destroy Korea. Seriously, it's our's! If we can't have it, no one can! Ass hat!
I suppose that is all I have to say for now. If I remember something else, I'll be sure to append my journal.
Love |
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| Oh god, save me |
[Mar. 8th, 2007|06:21 pm] |
Japan is destroying my brain. I have been reading back over my past, pre-japan, posts and am astonished at the level of proficiency and complexity with which I was able to write. I was never much of a good writer, but compared to my current state I was a literary god a mere six months ago. I am very very sad.
I'm going to Osaka, and my job called me and confused me, so I think I'm going to die a death of slow continuous intel inside.
love |
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| Nara |
[Feb. 28th, 2007|05:41 pm] |
So, I'm going to Osaka and Nara in a wee bit more than a week. Gonna chill with Brendan and some other folks. That should be pretty chill and hopefully full of booze. Me and Mihoko's plans are coming along nicely. We have Yurks thinking that I'm visiting, when in actuality I'm moving in and she's going to Korea, we just haven't told her that we'll be cancelling her return ticket and credit cards on claims of fraudulent use. =)
Nagasaki is pretty boring right now. I broke a couple Japanese people recently. I asked one of them in English, "Let's go to Osaka right now!?" He stopped working for a few minutes. Today is his Beithday, so me and a friend got him a bottle of some crazy strong Okinawan Shochu a carton of what he smokes and some porn.
Cory shall forever be the love of my life <3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 31st, 2007|05:45 pm] |
My heart was athrill when I read of your response, and it simply leapt from my still beating chest when my wandering eyes laid upon the bed of your sweet words. I am oft to find myself wandering my fingers through your soft fragile chest hair. I am, alas, awoken by the shrill voice of a Japanese cunt, and her wishes for me to respond to whatever trivial question she may have laid upon my unhearing ears. I love you, Chris.
Yuriko, I hate you and I'm never, ever going to go up there. At least not until you're back in North Korea where you belong.
LOVE |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 30th, 2007|12:21 pm] |
My Dearly Beloved,
It is with great enthusiasm that I write to you this fine day with Spring abreast. I am well, and all is well around me. |
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| The sketchiest lecher alive |
[Dec. 29th, 2006|04:56 pm] |
So, I work for an English school. The 'principal' of this school has been in the hospital with a broken knee for 3 months now, and they needed people to work. So, they 'hired' me, except I didn't start working until last week. Anyways, this guy gets out of the hospital and wants to meet me. I agree to a cup of coffee and then some beers. Turns out this man is the largest lecher in the Universe, nay, the Monoverse. The only thing this man can talk about is the most filthy of sexual acts. He's somewhat like Brayton, except serious about everything he says. Let's just say that I am, at present, refusing all calls from him.
I spent christmas eve eating nabe with 5 chinese people, and christmas day's eve totally wasted. Good times, except for that hangover. Cheap alcohol is bad for your head. I'm at an internet cafe right now. The Dutch tricked us into not drinking and going to an internet cafe. Man, sooooooo not cool. I thought we could come and go as we pleased, so we were gonna make reservations at an Izakaya, and then come back, but nope...Oh well, maybe I'll karaoke it up or something, you know :)
I once killed a man, a Japanese man, so it doesn't count as murder, because they aren't human
!!!LOVES!!! |
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| A Day in the Life of a Man who has Lost Everything He Holds Dear |
[Dec. 8th, 2006|08:12 am] |
Japan is a land full of magickal mysteries and subterranean soliloquies. A land where many men have not only lost their lives, and many women lost their husband's lives. A land where I now roam free, free as a pack of wild dogs scouring the arctic tundra for that last little taste of seal flesh left over from the polar bears' last exodus into the South before the cold season came. As lost, hungry, and helpless as that same pack of dogs. For you see, Japan is a land of Yin and Yang, and for every man that is made here a man must be lost as well, such is the universal harmony that is law. I started out here in Japan some two and a half months ago, and in these two some odd months I have learned many many things. Things both about others, and about myself. As I look back and reflect upon my time here thus far I realize that I have not, in all reality, ever simply so much as looked at another person and thought of them as myself. I have always seen myself outside the loop, if you would accept such a statement.
Japan has been pretty cool. Ever since Brendon left I have not done much of anything. All I have really done is just killed a few people and then been 切ない about pretty much everything else. The other day I slept from 7 to 10, and then just got up and still was tired and wanted to skip class. I'm not sure what's going on, but I think I need the constant threat of Vampires to produce adrenaline, or at least drive the Adenosine out of my brain.
I have some stories to tell, and I won't ever tell them, because I will be dead by the time this letter reaches your hands.
Love,
Ignatiu
KEVIN |
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